May 15th, 2012
My 8yo grandson came home from school today and along with the spelling test and math homework, was clasping a photo-copied paper that he handed to his dad: 101 Ways to Praise your Child.
Really? Parents need to be taught what to say to their kids?
Now, I know that there are many parents out there who don’t praise their children, but I doubt very much that a printed list will inspire a significant life change.
Though the list was quite entertaining.
Consider such parent/child-bonding gems as:
“Breathtaking!” (Whoa! Probably a lot of new parents have had that thought while changing diapers).
“It’s been a pleasure to know you.” (What? Your child is your client?)
“You’ve discovered the secret!” (A new best seller?)
I was thinking that if parents and child became familiar with the list, the parents could just say, “Hey, #54” or “#72 really fits here.”
So what’s the problem? Isn’t it good to praise our children?
Sure – sometimes. But not all the time – not because a nameless person enmeshed in the local educational system tells you what to say.
Everyone needs praise, not just children, but when the praise is written by someone who doesn’t even know your children, it’s not sincere. And a parent, reading off a photo-copied list, isn’t being exactly sincere either.
(Can’t you just picture a mom seeing her child do something well, quickly reading down the list? “Oh, number 53 – Way to go!”)
The Bible tells us to be sincere in our love. In Philippians, Paul tells the people in the Philippi church that he prays their love will grow in knowledge, discernment and sincerity. If we should pray this for each other – shouldn’t we be praying it for ourselves? Shouldn’t sincerity be a big part of our love toward our child?
A child will appreciate a heartfelt compliment from his or her parent more so than something off a paper he brought home from school (and read during the long bus ride and therefore knows his parents got the compliment off the list).
Tell your child you love her. Compliment him on a job well done. Give out praise when deserved. But do so with sincerity.
And as far as the list goes? The 8yo’s older sister got hold of it and decided to try out a compliment on her brother. Being a typical big sister she chose, “Oh, you’re so kissable,” – which resulted in a very non-praiseworthy wrestling match.
Sidenote: My son wrote about the list on Facebook and heard from a friend who said, “My child came home from school with a notice that said it was Yes Day. Anything our child asked us, we were supposed to answer yes.”
Which is a whole other blogpost.
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May 14th, 2012
How much time do parents spend with their kids?
Several surveys: (University of California/Wharton School of the University of Pennsylvania) show that parents are actually spending more time with their children than they did a few decades ago.
Pre-1995, moms spent an average of 12 hours a week with their kids.
In 2007, collage-educated moms spent 21:2 hours with their children and those without a college education spent 15:9 hours.
Pre-1995, dads spent an average of 4.5 hours with their children.
In 2007, college-educated dads spent 9.6 hours with their children and those without a college education spent 6.8 hours.
In 1990 – 65 % of Americans stated children were very important to a happy marriage. That figure is now down to 41%.
But where are parents getting that extra time? Women are cooking and cleaning less (husband are doing more of these tasks) and men are putting in less time at the office. Leisure time now takes an average of 8 hours a week. (Up from 4 hours in 1965.)
(These statistics are tracking time parents actually do things with their kids – not just time they’re in the same room.)
What do the kids think about all this? When asked what they most wanted they didn’t say, “more time with my parents,” but rather that their parents wouldn’t be so tired and stressed.
(Facts taken from New York Times: Surprisingly, Family Time has Grown.)
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May 11th, 2012
Cup stacking has become popular in recent years. (If you’ve never seen a cup stacker in action, check out YouTube.)
But here is cup stacking with a twist.
Write the name of one of the Bible books on each of 66 foam cups. Or, better yet, have your kids write the names of the books to become familiar with their spelling.
Challenge your kids to stack them in order. Mix them up and have them do it again.
Invent other games with the cups and have your kids join in joining their own games.
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May 8th, 2012
Who is your child’s hero?
Because kids do have heroes.
As children mature, thoughts of adulthood float through their brains. (And we encourage that by asking them, “What do you want to be when you grow up?”) Little boys and girls often answer that they want to be super heroes or ballerinas. As they grow, their desires may change. In fact, the number one desire kids have today is to “be famous.”
So they watch. And they listen. They see the rich and famous walk down the red carpets in their glamorous clothes and everything looks oh, so desirable and they decide – “THAT’S what I want to be.” Often, it is the celebrities they choose for their heroes.
Wanting to emulate someone else can be a good thing. Paul tells us to be an example. He tells others that he himself is an example.
But an example of what? Paul’s specific instruction was to follow Him as He followed Christ.
Sadly, our kids don’t often learn about people who sacrificed to follow Christ – instead their minds are filled with images of people who are praised for their wealth and beauty rather than their godly character. (That’s not to say there aren’t exceptions, but …)
I was thinking about this last weekend because of something we do in our family. I don’t take credit for it. My daughter’s mother-in-law started it 11 years ago. The ladies in the family get together for a Purim celebration. (Which happens anytime in the spring rather than on Purim itself.) We enjoy lunch, read the story of Esther (which the girls are doing in the picture) and then share our bios. Well, not OUR bios, but the biographies we have written about women (both contemporary and historical) who were bold, brave and beautiful (in character) as they served the Lord. Then we toast each other with pickles (just a fun thing) to dedicate ourselves to desiring to be such women.
This was a good idea 11 years ago when we started this. The only two children at that first celebration were babies and had no idea who Esther was or what being bold and brave was all about. But now they are old enough to write their own biographies. And the Purim celebration is now a VERY good idea. Their moms help very little, as their daughters search out stories that they want to share.
This year from the younger girls, we heard about Pocahontas, Helen Keller, a teacher and Jeannie Driscoll, a lady born with spina bifida who now works with Joni and Friends.
I pray as these young girls seek out women who are bold, brave and beautiful in character, that they will focus on such women as examples in their own lives.
Because in our celebrity-driven world –
Who is your child’s hero?
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May 7th, 2012
Eating disorders are the 3rd most prevalent chronic illness among teens.
95% of people with eating disorders are between the ages of 12-25.
80% of 13 year olds have been on a diet.
Treatment for eating disorders runs about $30,000 a month.
5%-10% of anorexics die within 10 years of being identified with the disorder.
8 million Americans have eating disorders – 7 million women and 1 million men.
(South Carolina Department of Health)
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May 4th, 2012
Here’s a fun project to rescue those little pieces from those old and well-used crayons you might have lying around your house (or your Cubbie or Sparkie room).
1. Make sure all the paper is peeled off the crayons.
2. Break those that aren’t already in small pieces so that they become small pieces.
3. Spray a muffin tin with vegetable oil.
4. Fill muffin cups with crayon pieces.
5. Bake at 275 degrees for about 8 minutes. (Keep your eye on it – you want the crayons to melt to a liquid wax state.)
6. Cool. Pop out of the muffin tin and have fun coloring with a muffin-shaped multi-colored crayon.
7. Talk with your children about favorite colors – and thank the Lord for creating so many different colors.
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May 2nd, 2012
Last night, in between putting the dishes in the dishwasher and getting my clothes ready for today, I got sidetracked looking through a box of old “stuff.” In between a stack of childhood books and some candlesticks (can’t tell if they’re worthless or a valuable antique) I saw a yellow folder. I put it aside. Folders in a family where office supply stores are an anticipated destination aren’t that unusual. But as I was sticking the books and papers and candlesticks (still wondering about those) back in the box, I took a minute to open the folder.
What a surprise! Inside were eight or nine sketches that my dad had done. My dad passed away in 1999 – almost 13 years ago. He was a pastor, a counselor, a writer … and a sketcher. He would sit in a restaurant, listening to someone, all the while sketching on his napkin. Many people have autographed napkins, with his pictures of birds, flowers, mountains or fence posts.
These sketches I found last night were daisies. And as I looked through them – I smiled. Dad personified the daises as he drew different configurations. Later I had a chance to share them with my grandchildren – his great grandchildren.
A glimpse of the past tucked into our age of technology.
The Psalmist reminded the Israelites to tell their children about the wonderful things the Lord had done and to pass those things down from generation to generation – even to those babies who would be born in the future:
Psalm 78:4 – We will not hide them from their children, Telling to the generation to come the praises of the Lord, And His strength and His wonderful works that He has done.
Yes, this was written to the Israelites who told their children about the exodus from Egypt – but this is no less important for us. We are also to pass on the truths of God’s Word from generation to generation.
The cool thing about my dad is that he left a heritage of a lot more than daisy sketches.
He taught us truths such as:
Do something of eternal value every day.
Give God equal time.
Be a student of the Bible.
Sometimes in our busy lives (and oh, yes, they’re very busy), we forget to take the time to share with our children what we learned from our parents and grandparents.
I challenge you. Get out some pictures of your parents, grandparents and great grandparents and talk about them around the dinner table tonight. Maybe you want to talk about just one so you keep your kids’ interest between playing their computer games and texting their friends. Talk about another one next week. What did your grandparents/parents teach you? (Maybe you didn’t grow up in a good home and your grandparents/parents lives taught you what not to do.) Share verses or how your grandmother used to play the church organ … or the funny thing your dad said in the Christmas program … or great-grandpa’s favorite verse … or
A daisy sketch or two.
… Telling to the generation to come the praises of the Lord.
You can see more of my dad’s sketches on my personal blog:Observations from the Second Floor
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April 30th, 2012
Haul vlogs are not entirely new – they’ve been around a couple years, but they are still going strong.
A vlog is a video blog.
A haul vlog is a tween/teen (usually a girl, but guys do them, too) getting in front of a camera with all her bags of “stuff” she’s just purchased at the mall – usually clothes or makeup. One by one, she takes the things from her bags and explains them to the camera in detail so everyone can see. Sometimes she gives a demonstration of how to put on the makeup or models the clothes.
Sometimes it’s just a teen showing you five pairs of shoes, but sometimes the teens talk about body image as if they were discussing it in the privacy of their bedroom with their mom or best friend. They ARE in the privacy of their bedroom, but they forget that they’re putting this out for the whole world to see. Some of the haul vlogs literally have thousands of viewers.
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April 27th, 2012
Here’s a healthy and fun breakfast idea for you and your kids.
This is sometimes called toad in a hole and sometimes called egg in a basket – or we could just call it egg in bread.
You need for each serving:
1 slice of bread
1 egg
Salt/pepper to taste (You can also add basil, parsley or other herbs)
Olive oil
Cut out a circle in the center of your bread. You can do this with a cookie cutter, biscuit cutter or the easiest – bottom of a glass.
Coat your griddle or frying pan with olive oil.
Put the bread (and the cut-out circle) onto the griddle.
Break the egg and pour in the hole. Season with salt and pepper.
After the egg begins to thicken, you can gently flip it to the other side to even out the cooking. Or your can allow it to cook just on the one side – but be aware that your bread may burn if it “fries” too long.
When the egg is cooked, sprinkle with Parmesan cheese if desired. You can also grill a couple tomato slices at the same time to enjoy with your eggs.
Some fun options:
1. Put the cut-out circle on top of the “hole” before serving it to your kids.
2. Use a different-shaped cookie cutter to cut out the middle – i.e. a heart, a star, a circle with a decorative edge. Experiment!
THOUGHT FOR THE DAY -
As you enjoy the eggs, you could ask your kids if the following is a verse from the Bible or a cookbook: Can flavorless food be eaten without salt? Or is there any taste in the white of an egg?
The verse is, of course, from Job 6:6.
If your kids don’t know Job’s biography, briefly summarize. Ask: Do you think Job’s trials were hard? Why do you think his friends had so much to say to him? Do friends do this today? Did Job trust God? Did God understand how difficult this was for Job?
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April 25th, 2012
“This isn’t your day to be grouchy.”
That’s what I used to tell my kids when I saw a bad attitude wash over them like an approaching thunderstorm.
OK. Disclaimer. I am not talking about serious situations, the kind where we need to comfort our children and allow them to talk (and maybe cry) it out. (That’s a whole other blog post.) I am talking about those little annoyances that fester into sister-poking, door-slamming, eye-rolling big annoyances.
Your 3rd grader is upset because his sister ate the last of the peanut butter.
Your 5th grader is screaming because “someone borrowed my red marker.”
Your 7th grader stomps around the house because he has to finish his math homework before being allowed on the computer.
Those dozens of little upsets that build on one another until the entire day is upside down.
So, being a mom, I decided to choose a “grouchy” day for each family member. On your “grouchy” day, you could have a bad attitude – because it was YOUR day and YOUR prerogative to be as miserable as you wanted to be.
The next time that thundercloud of attitude descended on one of my kids, I said, “Sorry, it’s not your day to be a grouch. Can’t have any complaining from you.” Then I’d look at my calendar and say, “Let’s see where you are on the schedule …”
The truth is, none of us were EVER on the schedule. But, simply joking around about it usually got everyone back on an even keel. (OK, not EVERY time, but a lot of the time.)
Philippians 4 is a great instruction guide for a good attitude. In the fourth verse, Paul tells us to always rejoice. Joy is not elated happiness, but rather an underlying reliance on Christ, knowing He is in control. The verses following also have great “good attitude” words such as: gentleness, thankfulness, peace, etc. Then Paul comes right out and tells us to think about the positive, not the negative. Paul concludes his thoughts by saying that whatever they’ve seen in him and heard from him (a good attitude guide), they were now suppose to DO.
Then what? The God of peace will be with you.
Probably one of the hardest jobs as a parent is encouraging good attitudes in our kids and discouraging impulsive responses when life doesn’t happen exactly the way our kids want it happen. We need to use God’s good-attitude instruction guide (Philippians 4) and consistently work on attitude adjustment.
Oh, yeah – first we need to adjust our OWN attitude.
Because really –
This isn’t anyone’s grouchy day.
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